Epidemic Lonesome

The bus driver is rushing headlong into the night not bothering about where it is leading both of us to. Neither do I. The bigger part of me is itching to surrender, and I'm sick to death of even responding to whatever life throws at me.

I feel as if the bus can take me to wherever it wants 'cause home right now is nothing but a delusion. What awaits me is not that big a deal anymore. There were times when I kept searching for familiar faces which I knew for sure would never show up, just to let disappointment knock myself down so damn hard that I forgot what it felt like to get back up.

How is living with a good memory and a thin skin? To recall everything he said so vividly as if it were just yesterday. To take every of his words seriously, waiting for a message to pop up from an empty promise. What is more dreadful than a loner clinging to a heartbreaker, but can never hold it against him.

He's right, I'm always losing. I can never win, but what would be the point of winning if I ended up losing myself? Much of what we've been going through is lonesome, and it will forever be like that. What can I expect from the 20-year-olds who are also struggling with their own shits? How can I hope those over-parented millennials cozying up under their blankets to understand the bitterness of meandering during midnight curfew?

I have grown more comfortable at the back seat, and goodbyes seem a bit less scary now. In fact, goodbyes do not terrify me, but unexpected ones do. Am I the only one who believes that any day could be our last day or is it that people are so used to heartlessly walking out on others without giving a shit about how much that destroys the person left behind?